…. I could do something really good. This morning I finished framing my latest piece. I’m fairly pleased with it, and my wife has been quite complementary. Nevertheless, I find myself in a permanent state of dissatisfaction that nothing I ever do is really worthy.
Throughout my life I have sampled all kinds of activities, but nothing has ever been taken to a high standard. I took part in athletics at University, but my performance was never remarkable. That’s been true also of my later engagement with tennis, and the climbing I still enjoy. My academic career was respectable, and certainly satisfying in many respects, but I recall a conversation with my head of department in which I described myself as a fairly good second-rate sociologist. From time to time I have acquired a degree of fluency in different foreign languages, but nobody would ever describe me as a “linguist”. In the arts I’ve tried writing fiction and dabbled with poetry, done a bit of dance, played the guitar to a basic level, and “trod the boards”. But ….
It is probably true to say that I am the classic dilettante. John Dryden described one of his characters satirically as “everything by starts and nothing long”. Is that really me? It really is about time that I got a grip and produced something that truly satisfies me …. and others.