Although I am back into some kind of normality, after my heart pacemaker operation, I am discovering regularly that there are limitations to what one might regard as “normality”. There are some restrictions on what I man permitted to do, physically. Fort example, I only drove for the first time today, and I am still strongly advised not to raise my arm above shoulder height. I am beginning to find out, however, that the impact of an experience like this extends well beyond what you can, or cannot, be expected to do physically.
It is fortunate that I finished a picture before I went into hospital because at the emotional level I really am not sure that I am in the right place to be painting. In the immediate aftermath of my visit to the hospital I tended to think that I would be able simply to drop into “normality”. Today I discovered that I have probably been suppressing recognition of the need to do some emotional work here.
This is probably a good development, as I now feel released to apply myself to what would otherwise be resisted, as boring maintenance work. So, today I drove over to the art shop in Ilkley and topped up supplies of this and that. A good part of yesterday and today has been spent putting up the Christmas decorations. There are other maintenance tasks I have in mind for tomorrow. Emotionally, I reckon that the best strategy is to keep a low profile for a while. The studio needs some maintenance work …. and so, it appears, do I.