As I have reminded readers every now and then, the purpose of this blog is to share something about what it is like to be an artist, and the way in which the art bit relates to life in general. I presume that you are interested in this, as you are reading my blog. So: I’ll tell you.
Quite honestly, at the moment I am a bit of a wreck. It is some weeks since I was able to do anything by way of art. The reasons for this have never been clear, but perhaps it all came together tonight over dinner with my wife. It occurred to me that we are living in a time which most of us will find difficult for one reason or another. At the present time we are gradually developing a feeling that we might be able to emerge from the hardship of the time of isolation. As we approach Easter perhaps there ought to be some means of linking this symbolically to the idea of resurrection. Having been unable until now even to acknowledge the burden of the impact of the past year, gradually I am coming to gain some sense of the weight of that experience upon me. In that context the image of resurrection does not appear to be at all inappropriate. The trouble is that I cannot come anywhere close to articulating this artistically, even ‘though it felt that this is precisely what I ought to be doing as an artist. Otherwise, what am I for?
With her usual insight my wife was able to put her finger on the source of the problem. I have permitted myself to become mesmerised by some vision of a grand goal to which I ought to be working. What I should be doing is simply painting, in the expectation that something will emerge from that process. Preoccupation with some ideal end-product is actually interfering with anything I might be able to do that would allow my thoughts and feelings to develop spontaneously. I should engage with the process and allow the end to emerge of its own accord. She talked about the experience of doing the small drawing which became her anniversary card for me.
In fact, in my concern to take myself seriously as an artist I have become my own worst enemy. There’s a lot to reflect on there. I just hope that I will not spend too much time reflecting.