Advice to an alien visitor

In the middle of last night I was struck by an odd question. If you were to encounter an alien visitor from another galaxy, what would be the single idea this creature would find most useful in navigating around our culture? With a growing sense of conviction I began to realise very quickly that this would be the concept of “hierarchy”. Without this idea our way of life would be completely unintelligible to a newcomer.

From the cradle to the grave all of us are involved in or preoccupied by hierarchy–the idea that we occupy a position in some kind of rank-order. The famous Frost Report sketch, with “The two Ronnies” and John Cleese, sums us up concisely.* From our earliest days at school we are assessed and graded–as, of course, is the school itself. Here too we probably acquire the idea of a “best friend”. The music to which we listen might well be placed in the “charts”. Quite soon we learn to support a team in one sport or another, and to know where they are in the league. Most of our consumer choices are shaped by “the latest”, which is merely hierarchy spread out over time. How many of the TV shows we follow have the quiz format? Do you see Bake-off, or Strictly, or Pointless, or any one of an apparently infinite number of shows the purpose of which is to place competitors in a rank order?

When you go to work I assume that you work in a hierarchical organisation–unless you are (proverbially or literally, a one-man band. Our democracy ceased long ago to make any pretence of representing the popular will. In fact it is about ensuring that one group of people get to exercise power over others. Perhaps your employer is one of the “Footsie 100” companies, or if you work in higher education you might work in one of the elite Russell Group Universities. Wherever it is that you live in town you and your neighbours will know whether or not it is a “sought-after” area, and have some idea how property prices verify this.

Religion has gone the same way many years ago. The Christianity that began by comparing us to the “lilies of the field”, and urging us to be more like children now no longer sings “hymns”–they are all “worship songs”, and is there anything more infused with a sense of hierarchy than the concept of “worship”? Believers no longer sing “drop thy still dews of quietness ’till all our strivings cease.” Instead they “want to see Jesus lifted high”, and worship “His Majesty”.

Perhaps the world of art comes off the worst of all. There is no longer any sense of a disinterested pursuit of beauty. The idea that everybody has some creative capacity is given verbal acknowledgement, but the art world actually consists of a competitive vortex culminating in “The Turner Prize”–which is only the visual arts equivalent of Baftas, Oscars and Whitbread Awards, and other affirmations of the competitive and ultimately hierarchical character of artistic endeavour. As an artist I am well-aware that my access to the public is obtained almost exclusively through competition for access to exhibition venues.

What would my hypothetical alien visitor make of us?

*You must know the one. “I look up to him, but I look down on him.”

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