This morning my wife and I were sitting together, taking part in one of the “Zoom” sessions that now seem to have become a normal part of life. For some reason my gaze drifted away from the computer screen to the row of family photographs along the mantlepiece. I see them every day, but today I saw one of them in a totally different light. My own face that I could see on the screen was almost identical with one of the faces in the photographs. Its was the face of my father!
It ought not to be a surprise, but it was. For some time I have been aware of a family likeness, but despite my having a beard and Dad being clean-shaven, there it was, not confined to the facial features, but including also the expression he was wearing.
In fact, for the past two years, during which I have been sorting out various family records, it has become increasingly clear to me that in more than one respect I do seem to recapitulate aspects of my father’s experience. The over-riding feature here is the fact that we are both the eldest sons of families in which we have been expected to be exemplary, both within the family in relation to our younger siblings, but also in the community. As time has passed (apart from anything else my brothers and sisters are all dead now) it has been possible to wriggle out from under this burden. Only today has it become clear to me that my abandonment of an academic career in favour of art might be seen in that light. It is a public declaration of my adoption of a status that bore no relationship whatsoever to family history or culture.
How often do we hear artistic talent explained in terms of some inherent capacity. Many would go so far as to suggest that it must be our genes. I don’t recall, however, encountering art referred to as a means of self-redefinition. Maybe there is more to this idea than initially might seem to be the case. Cezanne, Degas and Gauguin were noteworthy for the way in which, by committing themselves to art, they escaped from careers assumed by their families to be natural to them. The list could be far longer. I have seen that face before …. but it is necessary to look beyond the face.