As in so many areas of life, I am discovering (again) that an enormous gap separates the experience of learning under supervision and independent doing. This struck me recently in the context of rock-climbing, but it is even more strikingly the case in art. There is a world of difference between following a leader up a rock-face, with the responsibility for both route selection and safety in the hands of the leader, and setting out on one’s own initiative up a climb. If anything this truth has been brought home to me even more vividly over the last few days, during which I have been attempting to engage with egg tempera painting under my own steam.
During the recent course I attended, every step was spelled out, including the selection of colours, the preparation of the medium, and the techniques of modelling, and so on. I was told how long to leave surfaces to dry before undertaking the next step, for example, and the best order in which to tackle the different stages of the project. Here I am now, however, having to draw my own design instead of copying some Byzantine classic, preparing my own surface, and making all the decisions about the development of the task. Although I took notes during the course, inevitably these turn out to be incomplete at critical points. When I turn to on-line sources of instruction I discover that there are differences of approach, and I have to take responsibility for backing one or the other. It all seems surrounded by risk, and clouded by anxiety.
I feel that I am making progress, albeit slowly and with hesitation. Already there have been points in the process which, with hindsight, I wish I had approached differently. Nevertheless, I am still on the road and feel that I am travelling in the right direction. It is going to be a long road, however, and no doubt there will be points at which I find that I have lost my way. As a former teacher, however, I suppose that I ought to be reconciled to the fact that all this is a normal part of the learning process.