The last couple of months have been frustrating and worrying. At an abstract level I know that there will be periods in the life of any artist when not a lot is happening. One needs to relax and regroup before throwing oneself into another bout of action. It is one thing to affirm this in principal, but quite another to endure it in practice. The questions keep niggling in the back of the mind, “Am I burned out?” and “Can I actually do it any more?”
This could well appear to be extreme, but for one fact. My wife and I are attempting at the moment to clear a lot of old clutter out of our lives, that has accumulated over the years. Both of us have large amounts of material left over from our years of employment in the university, and heaps of family stuff as well. Some of this is worth keeping, but a lot of it is simply occupying space in our home that could be better used. One of the results of this clearing-out process for me has been an appreciation of the distance that now lies between my former employment (and identity) as a social scientist, and what a do (and what I am) now. Identities, however important in defining one, do fade and change. A long lay-off from creative work, in this context, raises the frightening possibility that my identity as an artist might also be dissipating.
Tonight, however, I feel that this fear is probably unrealistic. The event that triggered it was the discovery (while looking for something else entirely) of a piece I did many years ago that included a portrait of my grandmother. Admittedly it was done from a photograph after her death, but it does capture her quite well. I have been toying with the idea for some time that I might like to try my hand at portraits. Well …. why not?
This possibility was mooted also in an an experience at the life-drawing group, on Thursday evening. The tutor who runs the group commented that I frequently do manage to get a convincing likeness of the model, going beyond simply capturing the pose in general. I was flattered, but made nothing of it at the time. It makes you think, doesn’t it?
Earlier this evening I had the annoying task of having to repair the mount of a piece I had submitted for exhibition, but that had been damaged at some point in the selection process. New possibilities for exhibition began to take shape as I worked, putting together in combination materials that I have not presented in that way before.
It does feel to have been a long and dark tunnel, but there is light at the end of it.