…. is that they compel you to tidy the place. Today’s party was to celebrate our house being 200 years old. So naturally the whole place had to be open for people to look around. Consequently, even the studio had to be presentable. That’s the good news. The bad news is that I now have absolutely not a shred of an excuse to avoid getting down to some painting tomorrow. There is nothing in the way; no heap of filing to clear; no things reminding me that I will do them when a get around to it; nothing to distract me at all. Even returning the hired wine glasses to the supermarket can’t take more than half an hour. There is nothing for it. I will just have to paint.
That is the trouble with having really good ideas. I become frightened that in the execution they will not live up to their promise. While they are still in my head as ideas, they are safe. It isn’t possible to feel let down by something that is still only an idea. It’s usually OK once I get going, and a kind of elation takes over, and somehow that perfect end product disappears from view to be replaced by the fascination of what I am doing here and now …. this very moment. Before I start, however, that’s the scary bit, and there are usually so many good reasons to defer that. Right now, however, nothing stands between me and the fact that tomorrow I will have to start to make good all those promises to myself, that this one is going to be really good.
Several years ago I had a bursary to provide a mentor for a year, and a very experienced older artist provided for the occasion had me summed up after our first session together. “You know that is your problem?” he said. “You’re afraid to fail.” He was absolutely right, of course, and I still have to fight that one. I will. Tomorrow.